A moth hums in the screen door, either trapped or chasing the light from the lamp beneath which I am reading, light it will (hopefully) never reach. I am not sure which is better. But alas, I am not a moth, so I cannot say for certain.

It took me a long time to get to this point, that point being reading for fun, for leisure. Reading without constantly checking how many pages I have left, how much time has passed, how much longer the library is open.

At first, I had to set timers. 15 minutes to start. I would read for 15 minutes, without underlining, tabbing, or taking notes. Reading just to read. Not to memorize or test or ingrain.

Reading like I used to, before law school ruined it, ruined a lot of things, at least for three years, anyway.

Once a semester during law school, almost always in a desperate search for any tangible distraction during finals, I bought a book of poetry at Prairie Lights—always a thin collection I could read in one go—and took it to a bar in Iowa City, Joe’s Place or Big Grove, usually. There was Nature Poem by Tommy Pico (I love this collection). And Inside/Out by Joseph Osmundson (also 10/10 recommend). They are both hosts from the queer literary podcast I love, Food 4 Thot.

I’d read the whole damn thing, just to prove to myself I could still read for fun, even as “I should be studying” repeated itself monotonously in my head, the preoccupation of my “should be studying” brain humming like the moth in the screen door. When you think you’ve forgotten it’s there, it somehow gets louder, then quieter, then louder again. Crafty, the brain/flying bug.

This year, I have read 13 books. Since I am 30, I plan to read 30 books this year.

Mostly, I read books by women. And queer people. And queer women. It is Pride Month, after all. Plus, I don’t think I read a single book by a queer woman until I was in college. It’s about time.

I read memoirs and nonfiction and novels and poetry and books that blend all of the above genres together. Books and I go way back. Hell, I had a Laura Ingalls Wilder-themed birthday party in fourth grade.

Sometimes I add lines I love to the running note of book quotes on my phone, which I have been keeping since I was 22. Sometimes I mail books I’ve read and loved to my law school friend Anna in one of our periodic book swaps, as she and I have incredibly similar taste in terms of reading. There’s something so magical about mailing a book to someone you care about, hoping they love it, too.

When I read books now, more than three years out of law school, I give myself permission to meander, to linger. To let my thoughts flit about like the moth in the screen, unsure of what exactly I’m looking for, but committed nonetheless.

Here are the books I’ve read so far in 2023, which  are also in a note in my phone (I am nothing if not a human collection of carefully curated iPhone notes):